I got home last night to find my little dog missing. Jasper, my Shih Tzu x Poodle with a gregarious personality, had vanished. I built a perimeter fence to keep my animals safe and provide them with the freedom to roam.
I felt panicked as I checked every nook and cranny, walked the yard and nearby streets, whistling and calling him with no response. Turning to social media, the community quickly provided clues to his whereabouts. Jasper had been found roaming in town and was impounded!
Jasper has always been a bolter. A door left slightly ajar, a latch not quite right, or in this case, soft dirt under the fence is his cue to escape. Clearly, his little patch of paradise at home is not enough for him. Something more beckons, and whenever the opportunity presents, he grabs it and runs.
It got me thinking about fences, real and imaginary.
Fences are designed to constrain, exclude, and separate. Whether real or imaginary, they achieve this outcome. However, if you look around, you’ll see many “Jaspers” in the world. These are the people who believe there is more to do, explore, and achieve. They spend every waking moment thinking of ways to break free from constraints, while others simply impose more.
Limiting Beliefs
In the world of learning and development, these constraints are often referred to as limiting beliefs. We all hold them at some stage in our lives, but some of us learn to recognise them, realise they are self-limiting, and do a Jasper—breaking free.
Limiting beliefs restrict our choices and limit our capacity to change. We can learn to identify our own limiting beliefs by listening to the language we use. Do you say things like:
- “Our product is too expensive.”
- “We could never change the culture here.”
- “Finding new customers is really difficult.”
- “I could never speak in public about my services.”
- “I am no good at mathematics.”
- “You have to be tough to gain respect.”
- “I can’t be myself, as I may be judged.”
- “I’d never be considered for that job.”
- “I could never speak to my children about sex.”
To challenge a limiting belief, you only need to introduce some doubt.
For example, with the statement “our product is too expensive,” simply question why. Compared to whom? Compared to what? How do you know? What if it’s not?
Questions to Challenge Limiting Beliefs
Here are some questions to help challenge any limiting beliefs you may hold:
- What assumptions have I made in holding this belief?
- Has there ever been a time when this belief was not true or did not apply?
- In what way is this belief ridiculous or absurd?
- What will it cost me to keep this belief?
- Is there a more useful way of thinking of this situation?
Our beliefs centre on our emotions, relationships, hopes, and dreams. Deep down, we’re afraid that once we get hurt, experience heartbreak, or face a setback, there will be no recovery. But what if that’s just not true?
Imaginary Fences
These limiting beliefs are the imaginary fences we build to protect us from outcomes we aren’t sure even exist. These beliefs constrain us, just like a real fence. By believing them, we stop thinking, doing, or saying the things they inhibit. We fence ourselves in by our own thoughts and beliefs.
There is always an opportunity to do something different or better by replacing old, disempowering beliefs with new ones that support your goals. The choice is always yours.
So, if a real fence can’t always constrain us, why then does an imaginary one? What fences do you have in your life?
Happy Learning!